my failure

I cried last night, I cried from the bottom of my heart. It’s been so long that I wanted to cry. It’s been such a long time that I wanted to shed tears upon my sorrows. But every time, I'd tried so hard to refrain all those emotions. I'd tried not to  release them. I had tried so hard not to let any tears roll down my face. But at the end I failed. I failed again, as per usual

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how much I want to be successful, I just seem to fail every time. I just seem to disappoint everyone, especially myself. Stagnation seems to cover my whole life and I seem to be incapable of changing anything. Life is so dull, so stagnant and so absurd. It seems like no road is leading me to what I want. It’s like my dreams are very far away to reach

I'm tired. I'm sick and tired to death of not moving towards any direction, of having no way to go, of having no objectives, of having nothing important to do 

 But when I look at the people who are in a worse situation  

than I am, I realize that I have so many reasons to be thankful for. I have a nice, caring and loving husband who gives me comfort when life becomes so hard on me, the one who gives me determination when I lose my hope and trust. I have a sweet daughter whose one small smile is worth the whole world. I don’t have to worry about money; I don’t have to worry about other people's opinion about me. And at the end, I know I still have a long journey ahead. I still have a long way to go

My lord, I am asking only you to help me. I am humbly asking you to show me my way, the best way, the right path; the one which is the path of righteousness and happiness, the road that leads me to success and satisfaction.  Please help me to do my best and to be my best

I owe you my whole being. I owe you my every little happiness and joy. So, let me owe you this one, too

Your narcis

Written: about two weeks ago